A Lovely Morning

I felt like an independent woman that day. A classy hippie who embraced every aspect of life in all the subtle ways. I spent the day with one of my best girlfriends. The person who I feel truly understands, accepts and loves me out of almost anyone in the world. She wasn't my oldest friend, or one of those friends you see all the time, who knows all the details of your day to day, but she was the friend that you almost didn't notice was there. Not because she was dull or quiet, but because you are so completely yourself and open around her, in a way that you aren't with anyone. Whether or not it would always be like that, she would always have a special place in my heart and soul, for making me be able to feel like that, and for giving me this day. This day to be so free. This day to let my inner spirit shine, and just say, do, and feel whatever I wanted to. We started off the morning in the loveliest way. We sat street side, drinking our coffee and tea, sunlight beating on the sides of our faces. It was the loveliest cafe, that bled Paris. The most beautiful french music played over the speakers. Then and there,  I swore to learn french. Our waitress was quiet, but she had the french class all over her. Bright pink hair, a sparkling smile, and youth and mischief in her eyes. My spirit was flowing with contentment and the word lovely never seemed so perfect an adjective as it was to describe that breakfast experience. The food by the way, was phenomenal. Banana bread french toast. Need I say more?

A Lazy Florida Day

It was an unconventionally wonderful day. We slept in until 11. We were in no rush to do anything. We just fell onto the couch and turned on The Vampire Diaries. It was our favorite TV show, so much so that we had toured the set a couple summers back. We ate puppy chow, the healthy kind, due to us both being such nutrition fanatics. We quietly watched, enthralled by the interactions and attached, as if we had formed life long friendships with the characters. Every so often we would comment, squeak or remark on what was happening on the screen. For a second, my gaze wandered off to the balcony doors. The curtains were pulled to the side, and even though it was a chilly day, the sunshine streamed through the window. I swiftly stood, and pressed my bare toes against the cream, plush carpeting, and walked out onto the balcony, breathing in the scent of fresh laundry, that lingered in my nostrils as I sat back down to watch the television. My gaze flickered back to the doors and noticed deep green palms leaning over the balcony. I looked at one of my best friends in the world and sighed in contentment. This day was wonderful, and for the simplest of reasons.

Florida Nights

I remember stepping off the plane.  The plane ride had been filled with screaming children, Xander and Cassia(A book I was reading), a drunk housewife next to me shooting back coke and Bacardi, but none the less, as the landing strips appeared beneath us, i realized I had made it. But I remember the feeling of stepping off the plane. I had friend butterflies. I couldn't wait to see her. She said it was cold, but it felt amazing. I could wear flip flops after all. She made me laugh, because she was all layered up in winter gear. She always makes me laugh. We were starving so we went to the hulk hogans restaurant, and felt so out of place. It was like we had entered the jersey shore. Juicehead gorillas everywhere. Yes I watched the jersey shore... embarrassing. So we went to Bahama Breeze instead. . It was so wonderful, just what you would expect of a beachy restaurant. I loved it so much. Our waiter was puerto rican, which I instantly recognized, due to the fact that he looked like he was one of my cousins. His name was Christian. I was introduced to new friends, I love new people, we sat together, we laughed together. There were cheese grits, which if anyone knows me at all, they know that makes any occasion awesome. There was Miami vice, my new favorite drink, i'm sure. And there were coffee entrepreneurs, which in case anyone is curious, we actually were trying to say connoisseurs, but somehow the phrasing was all messed up. Kind of the way she said, on the brisk, instead of on the cusp. Some of these stories may be uneventful to the reader, but the me, I see a perfect, crisp, Florida evening with great people, and that is a story worth telling.

D12

D12, Rainbow kissed skyline, Independence.
Independence coursing through my veins.
British accents, sparkling peach black tea, linoleum.
Greasy food from the cafe next door.
Pleather chairs, cold and stiff.
Fuji apple Pear life Water.
Text messages from afar.
Pencil to paper.
Uninterrupted hours, Olympic update
Buildings clothed in shadows.
Me, just me an the world.
Stained carpets.

Everyone waits to go on their next adventure.
We all aim toward the same goal, waiting for our mechanical bird to fly us through the skies, but we all approach it so uniquely. Some with impatience, some desperate to kill the time, some so absorbed in each other or in their other activities, or the food they eat. They barely recognize the beauty of the chaotic symmetry that surrounds them. Our minds are so full, so aware, but are we aware of all the wrong? Is that what causes our anxiety and our stress? Not enough deep breaths or pauses. Too busy in the past or future to appreciate the present? This moment? Our surroundings? This is what feeds our soul. Ponder carefully how you choose to feed it and what you choose to feed it with. This building, so cold, so formal, so bare, yet full of so many stories, homecomings, goodbyes, new journeys, end of journeys, A breath of fresh air after a time of being lost. So many warm bodies, passing each other, not knowing each others names, barely even noticing each other. We are all too self absorbed. As I write this I realize the amount of time I am wasting, making sure my words are out, like they are so important, like they will change a thing, but you can say all the words you want. You can learn all the things in the world , and have more "eureka" moments then anyone, but unless you are a true living model of all your eurekas, your life will never progress and your mind will be nothing but wasted potential.

Plaid suitcases, tennis shoes.
Darkened skylines, lights sparkling in the distance.

I am no better, and no worse then my surroundings, and in this moment, we are all the same. In this moment, we are no more or no less important then one another, as we wait to go on the same plane, to the same destination. Everything we've been through, everyone we've come across has led us to this moment. This fated moment. And now we wait. Wait....

I Breathe You In: Worship Blog 1

 "The presence of the Living God    
  satisfies the depths of my heart                                             
And all of me changed when you came                                            
  I'm made free by Your glory and grace                                                        
  I breathe You in,God                                              
cause you are thick all around me."

Worship? What is it? Around the church, people will instantly associate worship with music. I feel like I’m pretty accurate in saying that most people on a worship team are lovers of music.  But if you look up the definition of worship, you will find that the word music is nowhere to be found. One definition that I really liked was “adoring reverence or regard”

            Music is just one way to worship God. One of many. If you notice, you will see that at most churches there is no “Music Team,” but a worship team. As a worship leader myself, I have come to realize that my job isn’t just to sing or play music that sounds good. It’s not just to be a musical guide for the church body to follow along to, to make sure the music builds, and drops to create this atmosphere of intensity.

I recently heard, “Worship should be a lifestyle, not just something we do once a week.” When you first hear this you think, okay so I should be living a good lifestyle. Be a good citizen, do good deeds, try not to sin, read the bible, pray. And YES, those are all great things, but we’re missing out. We are just scraping the surface. We have so much yet to tap into. People often will say during a worship set, “Gods presence is here right now.” I don’t really like that expression. Our God is omnipotent. Our God is everywhere. God’s presence is with us every single moment of every single day. We just don’t always tap into our potential to feel it, to see it. When we worship God, when we really grasp the amazingness of our God, we feel like we are instantly surrounded by his presence. When really, we are just instantly feeling it, but it’s been there all along. When we really understand who He is, we are touched by something supernatural, something that transforms us inside and out, something that we shouldn’t ever be able to come back from.

            A lifestyle is defined, as “the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc., that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group.” All of those attributes are what make up our personality. It’s what makes us who we are. Our morals, our attitudes stem from the condition of our heart. Worship needs to be who we ARE, not just what we do. Why is worship important besides the obvious fact of showing gratitude to our maker, the being who sacrificed his son to save our lives?

            In Isaiah 43:7, when God speaks of mankind he says, “whom I created for my glory.” We were literally CREATED to worship him.  It’s the reason we were put on this earth, the reason that God breathed us into existence.  Being on a worship team is a HUGE responsibility, and an even bigger honor. We aren’t just a part of it because we are musically gifted.  We are NOT the music team. We are the WORSHIP team. We are the group in charge of leading our church body to do, what they were BORN to do.  When we worship we aren’t just praising God, because of how awesome he is (although that would definitely be enough), we are praising God because it’s our PURPOSE in life.  We need to breathe God in, the way we breathe oxygen. Except God is more important. Because what is the point of existing, if not doing what we were created to do. What is the sun if it doesn’t shine?

            So here is my challenge, all you worshippers. Stop wandering. Stop looking for purpose. You know what is it. Your purpose, your priority is to worship God. How do you worship God? Singing? Playing Music? Listening to music? Orchestrating behind the scenes on the tech team? Serving others? Teaching? Writing? Do you worship him in prayer? Do you worship him by reading his word? What makes you tap into his supernatural presence? What makes you able to reach your hand out and feel him surrounding you? DO it! Tap into his presence and stay tapped into it everywhere you go. When you go work, take comfort in the palpable presence and power of the Holy Spirit pressing against your chest, making you fall more and more in love every second that goes on. 

            Jenn Johnson said, to imagine God as a physical being. Picture him as a white dove. What if that white dove was sitting on your shoulder 24/7.  You knew it was Jesus, and he was comforting you, speaking to you, loving you throughout the day. How would our actions be affected? How much more confident would we feel?  How moved with our hearts be? Guess what?!  God IS there 24/7. He IS a physical being. He isn’t sitting on our shoulder but he is all around us, everywhere we turn. Comforting, loving, speaking to us throughout the day. Breathe him in.  

            

Update

i keep breaking the rules.

BUT i'm learning alot

more later

Let This Be A Sacrifice-The Barbarian Way

               There's nothing worth more, that will ever come close, Nothing can compare...                                          Let us become more aware of your Presence                                                                Let us experience the glory of your goodness

  

I'm writing this blog, not to flaunt my relationship with Jesus(pretentious christians drive me crazy), not for recognition(i'm flawed beyond words), but for accountability, I suppose. I say I suppose, because I can't exactly pinpoint what spurred this on, but I know I've felt certain things pressing on my heart, and i've learned from experience to follow your heart in situations such as this.

 So i'm reading this book with my life group. It's called the barbarian way. It's a pretty good book. It's got a great message. It's a bit redundant at times, but most books in the same vein, tend to be redundant (Love and Respect...we get it. You respect him...he loves you...cycle...It doesn't need to be this many chapters). Basically the book talks about how we should approach christianity. John the baptist, was a barbarian. He lived on the necessities, and spent his life in the absolute pursuit of Jesus Christ. He spoke the word, he lived in the presence of God, and he didn't care about the material things the world threw at us. He didn't allow himself to be distracted. He was admired by thousands. He was a "celebrity" of his time. I'm sure a lot people would have done whatever he asked. I'm sure people had offered to buy him gifts, to take care of him. He probably could have worn the latest fashion, eaten amazing meals, vacationed in the nicest kingdoms, but he didn't care about that. He was so Christ focused, that i'll bet he wasn't even aware of what was on style. He didn't care that his meal, and his room wasn't as luxurious as they could have been. He ate when he was hungry, and he ate what was laid before him, he didn't go out of his way to pamper himself. He just did whatever necessary to spread the message of Love and Peace, that God gave to him. 

 Now i'm not saying that it's wrong to "treat yo self" (parks and rec reference...sorry haha), and i'm not saying that we should all wear paper bags and eat locusts. I'm saying that I do feel there was... a 'method to his madness', if you will. I mean, if you're reading this you're probably like, "Um...duh. Take away distractions and you will focus on God more obviously...this isn't groundbreaking news." But here's where the twist comes in. 

I hear often that as christians, we are required to live a life of sacrifice to some extent. And YES thats true. But most people view sacrifice as giving up something thats important to you. People view it as a negative thing., BUT let's put things into perspective. I've always been a HUGE believer in attitude, and even energy. I don't exactly know how to explain it scientifically but I do believe that when we are feeling and thinking negative, our bodies give off a sort of negative energy, that can affect the people who surround us. Which is why I always try my hardest to stay positive and optimistic. I try to keep an inner calm. Most people, including me at times, call it Zen, but I believe that it's the Holy Spirit, flowing through us. I've studied enough religion in my lifetime, to know that SO many doctrines come from the bible at the root of it. Karma? It's biblical... it's called treat others the way you want to be treated. Meditation? It isn't wrong if you are doing it the biblical way "Be still and know that I am God?" "Meditate on the word.." I could go on. But finally... when I tell people I do Yoga, they are usually like..um isnt that like weird spiritual stuff?! I mean...yeah kinda. I'm a weird spiritual person. It's definitely a huge workout, and makes my body burn like nothing else, but it also can be very spiritual. You're moving your body gracefully, in a quiet room, with the temperature turned up. Your mind is clear, and focused, and your instructor reminds you to be one with your surrounding, to be peaceful, to be grateful for your blessings. It is the BEST time to worship God. To be one with HIM, to be grateful to him, to feel his spirit flowing through you. I kind of went off on a bit of a bunny trail, but there is a point to it. 

The point is perspective. Things( yoga, meditation, etc) that other people view as weird, or wrong, are some of the things that make me feel closest to God. Because I don't view it that way. People who try it, sometimes don't like it because...well it can be super hard at times, and also because they think it's strange, because they were raised viewing it as a hindu, or buddist thing. I view it as an act of worship. I view it as this huge privilege that I am given that I have the chance to worship and serve God, while I also stay in shape. My perspective makes all the difference in the world. 

So let's backtrack..."christians required to live a life of sacrifice...that's true..blah blah." But what if we don't view it that way? What if we view sacrifice as the way it was intended to be. Sacrifice is devotion. It's the act of surrender. People often view surrender and devotion as a negative thing too. Again, all they think of is "giving up something." Yes you are giving up things. But what if that wasn't a negative thing? Yeah sure, you KNOW ultimately it's probably better for you, but it still makes you feel stressed out to actually commit the act .So let's change our mindsets!! What if  we viewed "giving up something"  as a honor...or privilege. The fact that we get to be rid of all these unnecessary things, that do not benefit us in any way, but deter from our relationship with God, it's SUCH a blessing. God LETS us give that stuff up. He gives us the option to! We don't need these things. He created so much in the world for us to do, to admire, so much for us to stop and just be in awe of. To sit in nature, and just worship him. Yet, we hear our phones beep, and we're so absorbed in them, that we ignore all the miracles around us? We don't see all the beauty happening around us. The fact that we get to get rid of these blinders that keep us focused on these detriments to our relationship with God, is SUCH a blessing. We get to take them off, and look around us, and see all the awesome things happening in front of our eyes. We don't have to miss out! That's so awesome!! Sacrifice?!? Yeah right!! That's such a gift! YOLO...just kidding about the yolo... well kind of. I hate that expression, but the meaning rings true. We have ONE life. One SHORT life. Why are we wrapped up in technology, in fiction, when the greatest stories are happening in real life!! 

So here's where I challenge myself, where I stretch out of what i have been accustomed to. Here is where I begin. 60 days...

*No smartphone *gasp* that thing is a time warp. I look at it, and two hours pass, and my heart panics cause i'm at 10% charge and there's no charger in sight. No thanks.

*10 minute facebook time in the afternoon, 10 minutes at night. No more... and no less...cause let's face it, i'm not going to go less then my allotted time.

*Television cuts... Everyone knows, i'm addicted to television shows... I watch like a million... i've cut it down to like.. 12 but it's gettin real in here... I have 2 shows that I will be watching with my girlfriends. Pretty Little Liars with The Prince Sisters, and friends sometimes with Bree and Kristy. And thats's always a fun bonding time. Then I have 4 shows I watch with my Hubby.. Homeland, Walking Dead, White Collar and Parks and Rec. I'm cutting out White collar, and keeping it at three. Those nights are awesome for us, cause we get to cuddle up, drink wine and discuss it. Then there's the TV shows I watch on my own... I had narrowed it down to my top three faves that I "couldn't live" without watching... The Vampire Diaries, New Girl, and Glee....AH SO good. Then I decided to go crazy and cut two down... Obviously we all know Vampire Diaries won... SO yes... ONE TV SHOW for myself a week...GAH!! Self control!!

*Internet/ Cuts... I don't really want to set a time for this because sometimes things come up, like "Hey REL! I need you to search for this address for me, cause i'm not by a computer." Or I have to Order something online. But i'm going to try to keep the whole surfing the web thing to about 15 minutes day. I will try to use the same rule for the computer in general, resorting to writing with good ol' pen and paper as opposed to computers. I may extend my times for blog writing, if I feel spoken to in other ways. Also, I may be thinking of doing online...learning for something i'm not going to share yet(it hasn't been confirmed), and obviously the rules will change with that too.

And while i'm at all that technology cutting, I might as well throw in some bonus ones...

*Less luxury...  DO I really need to go get panera, when can I eat a bagel and cream cheese at home for lunch?! WHY would I buy tea at biggby, when I have perfectly good tea at home?! Not only is that dessert not good for my health food plan, but i'm kinda full... and it's also not good for my wallet plan. and it's not necessary. Okay...my christmas tree lights do not need to be on all night when i'm asleep and can't even appreciate them.  Do i really need those four guys carrying me through the town on a giant cushion/bed while someone fans me, and feeds me grapes?! Oh...that wasn't real life?! Oh... Anyway...I don't drink pop, or juice, and usually just stick to water... so i'll definitely keep doing that too. You get the picture.

*Fiction Cuts... haha okay so this is probably only hard for me and no one else. But I LOVE reading fiction... and if I start a fictional story I will read all day until it's complete... so if ever I pick up a fictional book. It must be put down a half hour later.

*MUSIC...I'm going to be listening to 98% of worship music over the next 60 days. Not that other kind of music is wrong, but I just want to be filling my mind and heart with worship as much as I can because, well He deserves it. I say 98% because, sometimes my friends and I have awesome dance parties, and let's face it... it's hard to get down, to worship music, the way you can to "IM GLAD YOU CAAAAMEE" And also...it's hard to get doowwwwwnn to worship music...if ya know what I mean ;) wait...what?!

*WINE cuts... I like wine... especially red...so much. It makes me feel classy. Like I should be wearing diamonds, and gingerly sniffing the liquid, trying to detect if I smell a touch of blackberries.  But sometimes I drink wine,and it tastes so harmless, and i'm like...another glass...psh ya why not?! No big...it's all good. But then I start giggling and thinking that Joe's joke about how i'm a tan white person is the funniest thing i've ever heard. SOOOOOO... i'm limiting myself to just one glass, whenever I drink it. I stopped drinking liquor and beer awhile ago, for the most part, so i'll stick to that, but be a bit firmer. None whatsoever, it's just not good news for multiple reasons, including the little pooch that forms, that people should be petting and asking, how far along?!

*No swearing. I'm not going to lie to you. I've got quite the mouth on me. I hide it in good company, but man I drop a *%&$ more often then I brush my teeth. (I do brush my teeth more then once a day haha) This is the one I am REALLY speaking in faith... cause oh man it's going to be so difficult.

I'm not really sure how many days there are in the next couple months so we will just say on February 8th, i'll reevaluate the list, and see where i'm at.

I've always been a fan of the simple things, often wishing I was something along the lines of amish, so that i could really enjoy life in all its authenticity. But then...I like purple hair,tattoos, fashion, and traveling...so that would be short lived. But i'm a simple girl at my core. I love camping, nature and animals. I love my music unplugged, and vocals raw and authentic. I like my windows open, instead of heat and air conditioning (thats what blankets are for). I love handwritten letters, and anything homemade. This is just an AMAZING opportunity to get to be who I am, and be more involved in what i'm passionate about. But...I wasn't raised this way, and it's going to be SO hard. SO I would appreciate the people in my life, to hold me accountable. To ask me how i'm doing, to encourage me on this journey of barbarian christianity. Once I get a different phone(my account is suspended), feel free to  send me texts of bible verses or prayer, I would LOVE that. :) IF you're still reading, thank you! I know it was long:) I love you all SO much! 

                        LET this be a sacrifice, 
           LET me dedicate my life,  to worship You       
       Iʼm a lover of Your presence, Iʼm a lover of Your presence                      
                     Iʼm a lover of Your presence        
 Our passionʼs stirring deep inside, Youʼre all that really satisfies       
                                 We worship You